Classifieds

Business Services

Teddy Bear Removals Specialising in removing unwanted chocolate and alcohol. Reasonable Rates. Call 1800-Duncan.

Lacking guidance in your life? Can't find the cheese balls? Wondering whether there's love in your future? Sparkle Bearvoyants provide accurate readings for only $99/ min. Call us now! 1800-SCAM-ME
Want to lose weight but can't say no to that donut? Bulgy Bears are here to help. For as little as $4.99 a week, you can have your very own in-house diet consultant. Bulgy Bears personally scour your cupboards, eating all sugary treats so you can start your new life full of fresh healthy food.
ARE YOU TIRED OF MOWING YOUR GRASS? CALL BUBBLES! HAVE BEAK, WILL NIBBLE.
CALL 1 800 QUACKERS

Personals / I Saw You

I saw you at the pie shop. You looked hungry. Call me. 818-555-5555

If your lookin' for a fellow, ya just gots to try yellow. It is Olympic time and if your going for da gold, I'm your duck! Call 1 800 QUACKERS

Cheese ball seeking good time, maybe some beer and a film?

Pawsonal Cuddler/ Assistant Needed - Must have experience making cocoa and working with sick hoomans. Student fluffies welcome to apply. Email bigbossbear@ cuddlenetwork.com

Tired of being alone? Why not buy yourself a bride or groom? See our selection of cute bears at www.fupersons.ca

Buy & Sell & Trade

For sale: one totally useless human. $1 or best offer. Call 902-555-5555

For sale: one devil angel cat needing a good home. He is extremely dangerous affectionate. Call 787-555-5555

For Trade: One house-ape with constant runny nose. Will trade for house-ape with normal nose, or box of chocolates, ONO. Call Duncan on 1800-No-More-Drips!

Two friendly hoomans for sale. 1 male 1 female. Obedience trained, socialized and used to going potty inside. They will cover you with kisses and you won't be able to resist them! Regular size mom and dad.. Contact for more pics or to see

2 Teddy Bear Picnic Festival tickets available $20 each. Unable to go due to stuffing accident. Free pick-up from Melbourne, or $5 for express post

ADVERTISE WITH FAUXGUE - $1 PER TEXT CLASSIFIED AD OR $2 FOR COLOUR CLASSIFIED AD. $5 FOR FULL PAGE AD.

Real Estate

Homes for sale. Contact Tweak!! or Snuffy. Reasonable prices. shop.bearmani.com

Wanted to Rent: House for 2 humans, 6 big bears, 1 frog, 1 monkey, 1 mouse, 2 bunny rabbits, 1 reindeer, 1 sheep, 1 cow, 1 pig, 1 goat, 1 horse, 1 elephant, 9 small bears, 2 tigers, 4 wooden fish and 12 other assorted fofurrees. Must have at least 44 bedrooms & 47 bathrooms. If you can help us find a home please call Stuart on 1800 HELP ME.

Announcements

Greg and Burnadette proudly announce their engagement.Click photo for full story.